Chelsea Tractor RIP

Our Chancellor will shortly announce a brilliant new way of making us a bit more environmentally friendly - take more money from people with big cars.

Here's the story, which explains how, in a dazzlingly unpredictable piece of carbon-reducing ingenuity, road tax will go up to - wait for it - a bankrupting £400 for 4x4 owners.

And if that doesn't get footballers and drug dealers into Smart cars, I don't know what will. Well done Gordon.

Me: 1. The System: 0.

Here's a letter I got this morning:

'Dear Mr Super Dope Fly

SAFETY CAMERA OFFENCE

Following careful consideration of your explanation and further investigation regarding the above offence, it has been decided that no further action will be taken and you may now consider the matter closed.

Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Yours sincerely,

Unit Manager
Northumbria Police'

And my explanation? I said, 'please show me some evidence that I was speeding.'

Oh, well, erm, here's the thing; how about we just forget about the three points and don't take £60 off you?

Which is a real shame, because I'd be a far less dangerous driver without that money. Far less.